That's not how you kiss!
by Angsty Glowstick
Summary: Sixth year. Sirius lectures Remus. RLSB ONESHOT


**That's not how you kiss!**

**Summary**: Sixth year. Sirius lectures Remus. RLSB ONESHOT

**Warnings**: Slash.

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine.

**NYANYA**

Remus and Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room, which was currently quite devoid of other people due to the late hour and the early classes the next day. 1:00 am was already past and yet neither of the remaining boys seemed willing to move and get some rest before facing yet another day of difficult NEWT work. It was almost like an unspoken challenge, each boy seemingly waiting wordlessly for the other to give in to fatigue and go to bed first. Remus, being the bookworm that he proudly was, was consistently flipping pages of a book entitled War and Peace as he read. For him, it was only natural to read before going to sleep, even at a time as late as this. Sirius on the other hand, who was occupying the space on the couch next to him, looked lost in thought, although he managed to wear an expression of utter boredom while at it. Unusual as it was, he appeared to have quite the ability to stop being obnoxiously loud and keep the silence going for once.

Well, at least for a little while.

"Remus?"

Said boy looked up from his book irritably at having been interrupted only to almost have a heart attack. The charmingly-grinning terribly-handsome face of his friend was mere inches from his. Just how had he managed to come so close without Remus noticing? The golden-eyed boy shoved Sirius away none-too-gently and sat up straight from leaning back into the comfortable couch, putting his book aside.

"Don't do that," he hissed, clearly the more annoyed. Sirius, however, continued on grinning like an idiot. Silence stretched.

"Well?" Remus finally asked when Sirius failed to supply an excuse for cutting through his reading. It had been such a _good_ part, too.

"I saw you kissing that one Nancy in fifth year last night," Sirius told him, just randomly like that. Remus blinked in surprise. _That_ was something he had not been expecting.

"Uh…" was the only thing he could think of, but Sirius was apparently not waiting for a reply, because he continued on.

"I don't mean to criticize you," and just so, Sirius' cheerful mood vanished into thin air, "Remus," he added as a follow up after a pause (Remus raised an eyebrow in apprehension), "but how the _hell_ do you kiss like _that_?" Addressed boy was clearly not catching up, for there was no reaction. "I mean; what a shame to the art of kissing. That's not how you kiss!"

"…What?" Remus slowly asked, wondering just _what_ was going on.

"Remus!" Sirius was practically whining now, "All you did was press your lips to hers for a few passing seconds. Oh, the shame…"

At last, it dawned on Remus. He almost laughed out loud but caught himself just in time. _Give_ _it to Sirius to act dramatic about everything_. Remus sighed and looked at his friend, "It was only a pe—"

"No!" Sirius cut in at once, "I refuse to accept any excuses. You did the most horrible thing. Be ashamed."

Remus ran a hand through his hair in exasperation, "Sirius—"

"No! You must try to remedy it by never doing that. Ever. Again."

"Sirius, it was her w—"

"No! I doubt that you can remedy it at all. You must learn the proper way to kiss!"

Now, Remus was quite at a loss for what to say. He could only stare at Sirius speechlessly, who suddenly seemed to have an idea, judging by the glinting of his eyes. Remus could practically _feel_ the radiating heat of the invisible giant light bulb over his friend's head. _Uh-oh_.

"I have an idea!" Sirius burst out happily, and Remus noted the change of mood. _Here goes_, he thought wearily. "I think this calls for a demonstration that teaches _you_, my dear Moony, the proper technique, tongues and all." _Oh, the horror_. "This will, of course, be presented to you by yours truly." Sirius finished, and wiggled his eyebrows at Remus.

Now, aforementioned boy almost gagged. He did _not_ want to see Sirius stick his tongue down some chick's throat and supposedly learn from it. Not only was he inevitably faced with just that on a daily basis, but he also _knew_ how to snog properly, thank you very much. This crap was all in Sirius' head. In fact, even though this so-called 'demonstration' would have to wait till next day when a girl would be available for the job, he thought he better give his input now.

"No, Sirius, I will _not_ sit around and stare at you choke some girl with your tongue. I can manage on my own, thanks." He snapped.

"Ah, Moony," Sirius smiled at him sweetly, "but that's not what I meant. At all. I was referring to another type of demonstration."

Remus stared at him blankly, not quite catching on. When he _did_ catch on, however, he cheeks turned the color of the red armchair nearby and he spluttered, unable to form a coherent word. Needless to say, he nearly had another heart attack when Sirius all of a sudden shoved his face inches from his once more, grey eyes mischievous. Remus opened his mouth to protest and Sirius took that moment to move forward and latch on to the golden-eyed boy's lips with his own. Remus' eyes immediately fluttered shut, but he sat completely still, unresponsive as Sirius' tongue roamed his mouth and did amazing things to his lips. The one-sided 'kiss' lasted for a while, but that was only to be expected of 'Sirius' Snogging Standards'. Hey, it _was_ a 'demonstration', after all. Just as Remus' mind gears began functioning again and he processed the thought that maybe he should kiss the other boy back, Sirius pulled away.

There was a long, awkward silence as they stared into each other's eyes before Remus, having temporarily lost all common sense and self control, lunged forward and crushed his lips to those of Sirius' again. A heated exchange of sucking, nipping, biting, tonguing, and a constant fight for dominance ensued. Remus did things with his tongue he had only fantasized about doing to a certain _someone_. Hands roamed, and Sirius was moaning at his mercy, clearly mind blown. When the necessity for properly breathing oxygen became a persistent thing, they pulled apart, panting.

"What was that?" Sirius asked at once, though he was clearly out of breath. Remus suddenly looked like a deer caught in headlights. He turned a deeper shade from the red he had been blushing (though he noticed with satisfaction that Sirius' cheeks had a pink tint to them) and gave the only lame answer he could think of.

"Practice."

To say the least, it was very lame.

"Really," Sirius stated, obviously not believing him one bit. He grabbed Remus by his tie and seductively leaned over so that their heated bodies were too close for comfort (Remus' hand twitched). Then, huskily, he whispered, "Well, practice some more," and yanked him forward.

The outcome? Neither got much sleep that night.

**NYANYA**

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